2000-07-16 - 23:01

And I was glad that I did this time

No Fresh Fest update today. The boys didn't want to head down early, when I wanted to go, and I didn't feel like heading down by myself. (None of the bands on the bill were that exciting.) The last that I knew, both the guys said they only wanted to head down for the closing act (9:30 start time). I took off for 15 minutes around 5ish, came back, and they were gone. Then they called at 7:00 and said, "Oh, you're still home." Shrug. Seemed weird to me; but, as I said, there wasn't anybody in the lineup tonight who I was really psyched to see, so it's no big deal.

I was going to write something else tonight, but when I did my usual sweep of the other online journals that I read, I came across this entry. The section starting at the fourth paragraph struck so close to home that it shook me up.

The description mirrored my own story with Kimmy so closely. The same age dynamic, the same first girlfriend deal, the same long-distance issues--it really struck a chord.

So now I'm here thinking about Kimmy again. I understand why she had to end things. The distance was very hard on her and if she didn't see herself moving here, why fight it? It's been half a year now. The first few months were tough. I think that the first time that I remember feeling okay again was at the end of March, when Liam came up to visit and we went to the Rollins concert.

Since then it has definitely been better, but I can't say that I never think of Kim with regret. I have no regrets for the time we spent together--even with the strain that the distance put on us, I was never happier than I was with her--but I regret how we lost each other.

We started out as such great friends that it bothers me that we've lost touch so completely. I always thought that we would stay close. Maybe it's just too painful to try to stay friends with someone who you didn't want to break up with in the first place. I mean, I understand why it happened, and I was able to accept it at the time. Even still, though, it's not like we decided that we weren't working out and that we weren't good together.

I guess that my question is this: If two people are in love with each other, but they break up because the situation just won't support their relationship, can they stay close?

I'd like for us to try to be friends again. Maybe it was just too awkward to try to make the transition when we first broke up.

I think that that's all I want to say for now. I hadn't really given things this much thought in a while; but reading that journal entry started me along this path again.

J.