2000-08-18 - 23:53

Get rhythm . . .

I think that I'm recovering from the sickness that I mentioned in my last entry, five or six hours ago. Okay, I'm still coughing up a storm and I'm definitely not at full strength yet; but I think that I'm getting better. I'm sure that I'll be good to go for the trip tomorrow.

Even apart from being sick, I've been in an odd mood since last night. I don't know . . . even living with three roommates, I still feel very . . . solitary, sometimes. Partially, I bring that on myself, like when I'd rather do my own thing than watch some movie with the guys. There's also the fact that one of the roomies invites a friend of his over here seemingly every weekend, despite the fact that the two of us really don't get along at all. I always feel apart then, since everybody else is getting along, while I'm reading Nietzsche or listening to Lois Maffeo or something.

I dunno. On the whole, it's been cool living with three friends this summer (four, really, since Jaclyn has been here long enough to count as another roommate). It's especially cool having Colin around, since he and I share more interests. If not for him, I wouldn't have started on the guitar.

So, it's not that things are bad here, by any means. I just tend to feel very solitary from time to time. Okay, to be more direct and honest about it, I get lonely sometimes and this is such a time; hence the Nick Cave album that I mentioned in my last entry. To simply list off the facts, I'm 23, I've had one relationship ever, and the rest of my life, including all of this year, I've never believed that I could see even the potential to feel close to anyone in that way. Usually, I'm not overly bothered by that assessment; but sometimes it gets me down.

It's also a bit of a drag to think that in a week, a bunch of my friends will be leaving town: Nick, Richard, and Greg will be back to school. Also, Colin is moving out of here; but he'll just be down the road a bit, so that's cool. (Plus it makes space for Maneesh to move back in, which is also cool).

Okay, that's enough whining for now. I'm going to go back to practicing my guitar for a few minutes before I watch Sex and the City. Barring a relapse of the sickness, I expect that I'll be in a better mood tomorrow, when the eight (!) of us meet up at the Molson Centre for what is sure to be a very good concert.

J.