2001-12-11 - 1:48

Boy bubble blue

Work went quite late today, which didn't leave much time for other excitement. I got the acoustic guitar out for a while after I got home, mainly to relax. Even when I fumble over the songs, as I was doing tonight, it's still calming to play.

As much as I usually enjoy work, sometimes I find it very unsatisfying. On the one hand, I know that I wouldn't find a cooler job or funnier people to work with or a better vibe. So, if you ask me to assess it logically, it's great.

That doesn't mean that there aren't times when I'm unmotivated and discouraged. Perhaps I'm still not over my student mentality. While I was in school, if anything got too annoying after a few months, I only needed to bear down for another month and move on. Hit it and quit it. Then, my first job was great until late in the fall, when I became discouraged. When I came back from Christmas break, which meant that I was hitting my one year mark, the whole department went poof, so I had my escape from there.

And it's not that I want to escape now, since, as I say, it's a very cool job. I'm not at all seriously discouraged, as I was with the old job. It's just that even saying that I'll still be here this time next year feels unusual, since nothing else has been so long-term.

Bleh. I dunno. Really, I just need to hammer down and wrap up my current project and move on to something that will likely excite me more.

I think that I'm just down in general, lately; and the work malaise is an effect, not a cause. Apart from The Dears concert, I haven't been too upbeat for the past few days (and even that show contributed a post-concert letdown). I spent most of the rest of the weekend hanging out with the roomies (mainly Aaron). The notion of sitting around by myself, whether playing around on the computer or following some other solitary pursuit, was unappealing. The only exception was for writing, since I enjoyed putting together a concert review.

It'll be quiet here next week, since Aaron and Nick start their vacation this Saturday. I'll still be around for another week after that, since I don't leave until the 23rd. (Frankie will also still be here, which is cool.)

Well, hopefully, I really can still recall my student attitude. I'd like to plow through the last two weeks of work, wrap up what needs to be wrapped up, and head for home. My current mindset is get through and get away.

J.